Tag Archives: parenting

“Harmonious” Teething

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Charli’s first teeth cut almost one full year ago. We were at my Dad’s house for Thanksmas. I didn’t understand why she was spitting up so much, and that was the first occurrence of the infamous “blow out.” If you don’t know what that is, consider yourself lucky!

The next morning, we found two shiny, pearly daggers protruding from her bottom gums. Charlotte wasn’t quite four months old.

I guess it’s somewhat harmonious that she is cutting her last teeth 12 months later.

Now, you recent mommies and daddies are probably thinking that I am mistaken. Charli is not quite 16 months old, and the “final” teeth are the second molars. These second molars are not supposed to arrive until closer to 24 months. But the kid cut teeth 13-16 a couple months ago.

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Image courtesy of http://health.state.tn.us/oralhealth/howmanyteeth.html

Regardless. I wasn’t certain. I spent hours researching the symptoms that have been plaguing my sweet baby for nearly a week. Everything pointed toward teeth, BUT, like you, I knew second molars were supposed to be a ways off.

Nevertheless, I couldn’t ignore the sharp decline in appetite, excessive drooling, waking up screaming in pain, diarrhea and severe diaper rash. HOS checked this morning and found signs of teething. And tonight, we made the terrible mistake of trying to brush her teeth…

(If your babies are ever teething, hold off on brushing the rest of their teeth until the cutting is over!)

I’m not sure if this post was intended as means to vent about a difficult week with my hurting baby or as a lesson to other parents. There are exceptions to every rule – even the scientific ones. Trust your parental intuition. You’re probably right.

Why?

Because no one knows your child better than you do!

On Being Schooled

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This may come as a surprise to you – I know it did me! – but parenting is all about lessons.

You may have rolled your eyes or considered leaving the blog all together after the first line. OF COURSE parenting is about lessons.

Did you know YOU, the parent, are the one being schooled?

Yup.

You.

If you don’t believe me, you either don’t have children or you’ve been blinded by empty nests and adorable grandchildren. 

Charli has been my greatest teacher. I don’t mean to discredit my parents, family or many teachers who had the pleasure of educating me throughout my life. She challenges me in subjects not taught in school.

To demonstrate, I’ll highlight two major events from last week.

Friday, October 25

HOS was at a bachelor party, so I made plans to spend time with my sister and my niece. Naturally, we decided to treat ourselves to a dinner since the man was out, so we loaded up and went to Outback Steakhouse. Now, I’m not naive enough to think eating in a public restaurant will ever go smoothly with a toddler, but things were off to a good start! The waitress brought Charli some animal cookies (WHAT?!), which was awesome! Then she wanted some of the bread. … Oh, and the blooming onion looked good.

By the time our dinner was served, Charlotte was full.

Lesson 1: Toddlers really need to eat real food, not the junk I fill up on every day.

Of course, now that she was full, she was bored. Her favorite past-time while stuck in a high chair is to throw as much food on the floor as possible and then lean over and point at it. She points to the food on your plate and says “mmmmm!” Puts the bite in her mom, and then BAM! on the floor.

Sippy cup? SMASH! on the floor.

Adhesive place-mat? FLUTTERS! on the floor. (That was not nearly as dramatic, but equally frustrating.)

I quickly became “that mom who brought her baby who made a mess so she tipped me extra because she felt bad.” Honestly, do waiters/waitresses love/hate me as much as I think they do?

Lesson 2: Patience. (This is an ongoing lesson that I doubt ever really ends.)

Sunday, October 27

HOS was picking up a conference table for his new office and I needed to run to The Toy Store to find a book for a baby shower that afternoon, so Charlotte came with me. I LOVE books. I may have been a little distracted because I found a series of books made out of recycled paper and the green side of me became far too excited. I kept glancing over at Charli who was playing with the books on a wall shelf. Then it happened. It had to happen. She tripped. … Fell … And smacked her head on the wire shelf holding the books.

Lesson 3: Don’t leave children semi-unattended in the store (or ever, really).

That’s not even the worst part. I saw all of this happening, and what do I do? Drop the books and yell,

OH, SHIT!

and swoop her up into my arms in time for her to progress from open-mouth silent scream to actual, real-life blood-curdling scream. *sigh*

Lesson 4: Cussing loudly in a store filled with parents and kids is not socially acceptable (even when warranted).

It is important to note that while Charli sustained a minor indention and subtle bruise, she was ok!

So you see, parenting is filled with lessons.

You’ll learn to be more patient than you ever imagined. You’ll learn what you should and shouldn’t do for/with/to your kids (I didn’t even mention the buffalo chicken incident. Oops..). Most importantly, you’ll learn to not care what other people think about your style of parenting. You’ll occasionally forget that you don’t care, but you’ll relearn over and over that you are the only one who knows what’s best for your child.

Even if you do embarrass yourself and your child in the process.

 

 

Gaining Perspective

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I still consider myself to be a new mom. I’m still figuring everything out, you know?

I make new rules for the family. And then break them.

I establish new standards. And fail to meet them.

I set new goals that I fear I will never reach.

Charlotte is my greatest accomplishment. Her very being. Her smile. Her laugh. Her everything. I just told HOS last night that we must have done something right to be blessed with this little girl.

No matter how proud I am and no matter what I do in my role as her mother, I feel like I’m never quite doing enough.

Charli is only 15 months old. I fear that my inadequacies will only expand as she gets older. I’ll finally understand one stage just in time for her to move on to another. Will I ever get mommy-hood right?

As it turns out, my feelings of failure have nothing to do with being “new.” All moms feel like we could and should be doing more. All we want is to be the very best version of ourselves, so we can be the very best moms. We are so busy looking into a mirror and seeing what we think we should be instead of seeing what we are in our children’s eyes.

Totally awesome.

Beautiful.

Their “heart.”

The one who loves them forever.

Hero.

The best.

Never in my life would I view myself as any of those things. Those words … Those are the dream. That’s what every mom yearns to be for her kids. And we had/have no idea that we we are those things and much, much more.

All it took was a Mother’s Day video project from Elevation Church to make its way through virtual space and into my Facebook newsfeed for me to breakdown and cry tears of understanding and relief.

We may feel like new moms, making mistakes and questioning ourselves.

In our children’s eyes, we are mom.

And that is love.

How does this video change your perspective of yourself as a mom?

A Lesson in Overwhelming Responsibility

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Parenting is hard.

Some of you are laughing. Some are smiling knowingly or nodding in agreement. Others are rolling their eyes, shaking their heads or sighing heavily.

Me? I’m crying.

If you know me well, you aren’t surprised at all that I would get emotional. But you may be surprised that it involves my parenting.

I LOVE being a mom. Charlotte finally started giving kisses, and now she gives them without being prompted.. Just because she loves me! (Or so I tell myself)

She also wraps her arms around my legs and buries her face into my shins.

Charli smiles and toddles as fast as possible when she sees me.

And she snuggles!! *sigh* I waited a year for those snuggles.

Loving my daughter is the easy part. Being overjoyed in her, and feeling blessed by her love is the easy part.

But parenting isn’t just about love. It’s about teaching your child. And I am terrified that I don’t know a single thing about how to teach my daughter.

HOS asked me the other day what Charlotte’s next milestone will be.
Without batting an eye, I responded with “talking.” Well, shoot, that sounds simple…

Right?

…

Right?

As I sat thinking about how I could even attempt to teach Charli how to talk,
I started thinking about all the other things, the small things, that I need to teach her.

How to use dining utensils.
How to brush her teeth properly.
How to write.
How to read.
How to do math.
How to drive.
How to handle a break up.
How to be a good person.

And then I start to cry.

I’m overwhelmed by the shear magnitude of all of it. I’m terrified of failing her. I worry that I will be the reason for any issues, mistakes or problems she will ever experience in her entire life.

All of this before the girl can even pronounce bye-bye correctly.

You’re a parent, right? How do you handle the responsibility this gift of parenthood?

And while you’re at it, do you any tips on anything of the other thousands of things I’ll need to teach her?

Thanks in advance!

Leaving On a Jet Plane

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In eight hours, I’ll be leaving my little family for a quick business trip to Chicago. I just found out about the trip on Tuesday, and I’ll leave tomorrow morning and return Tuesday evening. It’s just a blip in the crazy, too fast life. But my tummy is turning and my heart is aching while I listen to Charli tossing and turning in the next room.

*sigh*

This is my third work trip away, and it’s the shortest. I thought that being gone for a short trip would get easier, but no such luck.

Maybe when she’s a pre-teen and we fight about everything?

Doubtful.

I’m afraid I’m one of those moms who will forever miss her child(ren). I am only consoled by the fact that she won’t remember I was gone. … Yet. And she probably won’t even miss me. Of course, this just makes me sad for other reasons entirely!

There is no winning. Unconditional love is the most awesome and wonderful thing, but it, too, has its downfalls.

I doubt I’ll get much sleep tonight. I really want to scoop Charli up out of her crib and fall asleep with her in my arms so I can cling to the feeling of her cool cheek against mine and the smell of her freshly bathed hair. But I won’t disturb her.. Not until morning, any way. 🙂

Lessons Learned (with more to come, I’m sure)

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I hope HOS doesn’t read this and get upset, but we had a little tiff a week ago. That little tiff taught me a big lesson in parenting, one that I’m afraid I will fail many, many times.

The argument itself was trivial, but it was the situation surrounding the discourse. My lovely, 13 year old niece was hanging out at the house and sitting just inches away from me when they altercation occurred.

We didn’t raise our voices, throw things at each other or spit hateful things (out loud) (I kid!). But we still put my niece in a very uncomfortable position by letting that disagreement happen in front of her.

I quickly followed HOS when he left the room and we talked about the minor problem at hand. It was resolved painlessly and without the need for me to send him passive aggressive texts while he was with friends. … Not that I would EVER do that. …

Anyway, this story is about what I learned. I don’t want to be that couple that fights openly in front of other people. We are happy together. I want people to know that we are happy together. And I definitely want my daughter to see happy, healthy relationship between her parents, friends, family, etc. I want these same things for my niece.

After I talked with Shane, I sat with my niece and apologized. I told her that she shouldn’t have been in that situation, and it hopefully (no promises) won’t happen again. I also explained that despite our disagreement, Shane and I are happy. We love each other, and I don’t want her to worry or think that something is wrong. I explained that even the happiest of couples will fight sometimes. The sweet thing just asked if everything was ok after I talked to him and went back to her iPod.

Every situation we experience yields a lesson. I don’t think we always know, understand or agree with the lesson, but it is what it is. In this situation, my niece taught me the importance of being aware of surroundings and how we want to be represented before showing some hostilities.

This is not me condoning lying or hiding feelings because there are people around. This is about finding the right times and right ways to communicate.

For only 13, this girl sure does teach me a lot. 🙂

There She Goes Again

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A lady today told me that if babies stayed itty-bitty, cuddly, babies for a longer time period, people would have fewer kids.

I agree.

Charli has changed so much, so quickly.

Just when I start to feel like I have a handle on Charlotte’s new stage, and I’ve stopped pouting about how old she looks, everything changes again!

I’m still reeling from her first birthday. I keep looking at the hundreds of pictures we’ve taken since July 26, 2012. Teary-eyed, I force HOS to participate by shoving pictures into his face and asking if he removes the time she did this or her first that. *sigh* I’m not ready to accept that my precious baby is one, and she goes and does this …

Don’t get me wrong! I’m so proud of her. I’m amazed at how quickly she learns, and how strong she is. I’m so happy for her. … I just feel bad for myself. My baby isn’t a baby, baby any more.

And I’m too out of shape to chase this little walking machine!!

Twelve Months

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Last Friday, three days ago, my little girl turned one year old. Her smiles, laughs and big blue eyes have consumed my world for 12 full months. Her tears, ouchies and illnesses have lead to 12 full months of less than restful sleep. But my love for her began long before July 26, 2012.

Growing up, I never dreamed of wedding or knights in shining armor. I knew my best friend, my cousin Kelsey, would be my bridesmaid. That’s it. But I did dream of being a mom. I imagined how amazing it would be to have my own kids, and I decided I would get married right after college and start a family.

Like most childhood dreams, this didn’t happen. Not the marriage after college or the baby. … It was a couple years after graduation when I found out I was pregnant, and I was finishing graduate school, not undergrad.

I remember being terrified, and realizing the nothing would ever be the same. I remember realizing I was no longer me any more, I was a mom. I remember feeling her move inside me and the emotion of finding out she was a girl. I miss rubbing my belly and having her that close to me at all times. *sigh*

I fell in love with Charlotte while pregnant. I knew there was no going back, and my life would never be the same.

Twelve months later, I’m faced with the daily trials and tribulations of being a mother, but every frustration and panic attack is worth it just to see her little face.

In one year, Charli has had two ear infections and one mystery rash, but no fevers over 100 degrees. She has 8 teeth, will be walking soon and tries to mimic words.

This year has been a roller coaster. But I would give up the ride if my life depended on it.

To all the moms who survived year one, and many more!! Thank you, and may you pass along your wisdom.

Mommy Weakness

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Mothers talk about things like this in private, and a few have been outspoken about it. … I still feel like a bad mom when I say it, but sometimes I just can’t do it.

Obviously, I can and I do, but there are minutes, hours and one or two days where I just feel defeated.

I don’t want to be crawled all over, pinched, scratched or hit. I don’t want to sit in front of a high chair for an hour. I don’t want to say “no,” and be ignored. I don’t want to listen to tantrums or unwarranted crying.

So I feel frustrated, and more than once, I’ve shed tears during these moments of mommy weakness. I try so hard not to raise my voice or get angry.

… Because I did. I did yell once. The look of fear and then awful crying that followed broke my heart more than anything I have experienced. And despite my being at fault, she crawled to me for comfort, making me feel that much worse.

During these times – times like tonight – I shove all of my “I don’t wants” deep down inside me. I become a jungle gym. I let her eat for as long as she wants, one tiny bite at a time. I say no over, and over, and over again. And I try to soothe as comfort as much as I can.

The tension on my jaw gets tighter causing my TMJ to flare up, but it’s all for the greater good – the screaming 11 month old one room over. The keeper of my heart, and potential destroyer of my sanity.

2 Going on 3

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I’ve heard people talk about their children always wanting to grow up much faster than they should. And up until about 11 months ago, I had no idea what they meant.

Why?

Aside from the obvious fact that I became a mama, 11 months ago, I was still one of those children. I was always wanting more, looking to the next “step” in life.

While on a much, MUCH smaller scale, I’m experiencing the same struggle my parents had with me. Charli just wants to grow up too darn fast!

I mean, the girl thinks she is 2 going on 3 or something! 😉

But seriously. Charlotte demanded that we let her eat her whole sandwich and not little pieces.

I’m sure today is the first of many instances like this that will only get more and more difficult. I just don’t know that I’m ready for this!

Don’t have much of a choice, though, do I?

Do parents always feel a stressful combination of pride, fear, happiness and self-doubt?

My baby girl eating her big girl grilled cheese!