Tag Archives: motherhood

Mother’s Day – A Day Like Any Other

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I know. I know.

EVERYONE is blogging about Mother’s Day today. I promise to keep it brief…

Today felt like any other day. Sure, I received a card, but HOS randomly buys me cards anyway.

Sure, the message at church was about moms being awesome, but that is common knowledge!

Sure, I selfishly expected to not lift a finger, and was hoping for thoughtful gifts I could brag about at work tomorrow, but how is that really any different from any other holiday?

It was a day like any other, except for one thing… When you’re a mommy, “a day like any other” doesn’t exist.

Not really.

Little things happen every day that make it special, but we fail to recognize those moments. But not me… At least not today!

There were a few things that made today special, and they had nothing to do with Mother’s Day. My favorite moment was at bedtime, after Charli and I said our prayers, I held her hand through the openings in her crib. I kissed her fingers, and she giggled. I asked her for a kiss, and she scooted her body over to me. She lifted her little head, and kissed me between the bars.

THAT was the best gift!

Today was like any other day. It was a blessing, and it was filled with amazing little moments!

How was your day?

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Gaining Perspective

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I still consider myself to be a new mom. I’m still figuring everything out, you know?

I make new rules for the family. And then break them.

I establish new standards. And fail to meet them.

I set new goals that I fear I will never reach.

Charlotte is my greatest accomplishment. Her very being. Her smile. Her laugh. Her everything. I just told HOS last night that we must have done something right to be blessed with this little girl.

No matter how proud I am and no matter what I do in my role as her mother, I feel like I’m never quite doing enough.

Charli is only 15 months old. I fear that my inadequacies will only expand as she gets older. I’ll finally understand one stage just in time for her to move on to another. Will I ever get mommy-hood right?

As it turns out, my feelings of failure have nothing to do with being “new.” All moms feel like we could and should be doing more. All we want is to be the very best version of ourselves, so we can be the very best moms. We are so busy looking into a mirror and seeing what we think we should be instead of seeing what we are in our children’s eyes.

Totally awesome.

Beautiful.

Their “heart.”

The one who loves them forever.

Hero.

The best.

Never in my life would I view myself as any of those things. Those words … Those are the dream. That’s what every mom yearns to be for her kids. And we had/have no idea that we we are those things and much, much more.

All it took was a Mother’s Day video project from Elevation Church to make its way through virtual space and into my Facebook newsfeed for me to breakdown and cry tears of understanding and relief.

We may feel like new moms, making mistakes and questioning ourselves.

In our children’s eyes, we are mom.

And that is love.

How does this video change your perspective of yourself as a mom?

Mommy Weakness

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Mothers talk about things like this in private, and a few have been outspoken about it. … I still feel like a bad mom when I say it, but sometimes I just can’t do it.

Obviously, I can and I do, but there are minutes, hours and one or two days where I just feel defeated.

I don’t want to be crawled all over, pinched, scratched or hit. I don’t want to sit in front of a high chair for an hour. I don’t want to say “no,” and be ignored. I don’t want to listen to tantrums or unwarranted crying.

So I feel frustrated, and more than once, I’ve shed tears during these moments of mommy weakness. I try so hard not to raise my voice or get angry.

… Because I did. I did yell once. The look of fear and then awful crying that followed broke my heart more than anything I have experienced. And despite my being at fault, she crawled to me for comfort, making me feel that much worse.

During these times – times like tonight – I shove all of my “I don’t wants” deep down inside me. I become a jungle gym. I let her eat for as long as she wants, one tiny bite at a time. I say no over, and over, and over again. And I try to soothe as comfort as much as I can.

The tension on my jaw gets tighter causing my TMJ to flare up, but it’s all for the greater good – the screaming 11 month old one room over. The keeper of my heart, and potential destroyer of my sanity.