“I have my own bed!”

Today I was blessed to volunteer with an amazing organization that identifies kiddos without beds so the organization can then offer to provide a bed for FREE. Life changing, right?!

When I told HOS what I would be doing this morning, he let out a sound like someone had punched him in the stomach. I couldn’t have said it better myself. … At least not yesterday.

Now, I can tell you that today I made elementary kids smile. They listened, engaged and laughed. The students were grateful for an impromptu story time, as well as their snack and gift (duh!).

Sure, we had to ask an uncomfortable question, but it wasn’t uncomfortable for the students. They don’t know to feel awkward yet. I wish I were more like them!

One second grade girl – who definitely will grow up to be a leader – even corrected me when I asked them to check the box. The form said, “write an X.” Thank you, little rockstar, for being fearless enough to tell me, the grown up, that I was mistaken.

Another sweet girl hugged me twice in 15 minutes, which melted my heart!

The kids were so innocent and humble.

One little guy stuck in my mind/heart all day. I went to pick up his form and his little chest filled with pride when he looked at me, smiled and said, “I have my own bed! I have an air mattress.”

He was genuinely excited and thankful for that air mattress. It made me wonder how long he had had that luxury. And it is a luxury for him!

This school touched my heart with 20-25% of its students not having their own beds. I was shocked to learn that the program previously visited two other schools in our city, and 50% were without their own bed.

Let me type that again.

FIFTY PERCENT, one in two, half of  the student body at the other two schools did not have beds.

Wow.

While talking about the program, HOS asked, “How do these kids not have beds?”

What blissful ignorance we have had in our privileged life.

And I never thought I was privileged. …

Life changing is right.

 

 

 

Day 100, #100daysofinspiration

For 100 days, my Instagram and Twitter followers have quietly and calmly endured my daily posts of inspiration. They politely liked my mom-themed, career-focused and vaguely empowering posts. Thank you. And thank you for not unfollowing me … that I know of. 


Good news!!

Today is the 100th day. You may not see another inspirational post from me for the next 1,000 days. You’ve earned that! 

I had the best intentions with my #100daysofinspiration. I bought In The Company of Women by Grace Bonney in November and something inside of me stirred. Normally, this would be related to the Freddy’s steakburger I ate for lunch or the junk food I shoveled into my face before bed. This day was different, though. This day I felt inspired. On a whim, I started my #100daysofinspiration on Instagram and Twitter.

I learned some important lessons while posting the #100daysofinspiration.

  1. 100 days is a long time.
  2. Inspirational memes are awful.
  3. People are all talk (or text).

100 days is a long time.

I had no idea just how long 100 days would be. Sure, I knew the number of days, but have you ever done something every day for 100 days? Nearly 1/3 of THE YEAR?! 

Yeah, neither had I. 

I don’t recommend it.

Inspirational memes are awful.

I know what you’re thinking – uh, DUH!

This isn’t to say someone can’t be inspired by an image or story. We can find inspiration any where. I happen to think it won’t be found by scrolling through non-descript nature photos overlaid with quotes taken out of context from dead people. 

Besides, don’t we all see enough of these memes from our neighborhood Rodan + Fields consultants? 

Just kidding … 

Sort of.

People are all talk (or text).

In this digital age, we all have so much to say. We have plenty of memes to express those sentiments – the #100daysof inspiration showed me that much!

There is a lot of talking and very little walking. 

I’m the perfect example of failing to walk. I posted meme after meme about chasing dreams and putting in the work. I have done very little to follow through on this. 

I think about all the time I spent searching for a quote or a meme, and how much time I spent posting and it’s embarrassing. If I had spent even half that time writing a new book for the kids or continuing education or volunteering, I would feel much better about myself and my “challenge.” 

My next challenge will be 1.) MUCH shorter time period and 2.) focused on action.

At the end of the day, words are only as powerful as we allow. It’s our action, or REaction, that makes all the difference. 

Is Vagina a Bad Word?

You winced a little when you read the word, vagina. Am I right? 

Vagina. Vulva. Clitoris. 

Why do people cringe and/or gawk at you when you talk about these body parts?

You would think I showed someone a pornographic image the way some people react to the word. …

Is it true? Is vagina a bad word?

My daughter and I ate dinner at a friend’s house this evening. There were five girls under the age of 12 running around, two female adults and one male. We were preparing to leave and Charlotte kept grabbing at her crotch. Not thinking anything about it, I asked her:

“Why are you grabbing your vagina? Do you need to go potty?”

Laughter erupted from the three older girls. I mean, sure, vagina is a funy word. I’ll give them that, but you would have thought I told the knock-knock joke of a lifetime. 

As I was taking Charli to the bathroom, I heard the girls’ dad trying to calm them down as they started calling eachother vaginas. He said that they probably haven’t heard the word before.

Wait.

What?!

These girls are roughly 6, 8 and 11 years old. The oldest could start her period any day. And, they have never heard the word vagina? 

We use terms like “pee-pee,” “privates,” and “down there” as viable alternatives to existing anatomical words. We don’t call elbows “arm-bends” or fingers “pointers.” Why create ridiculous words for vagina or penis?

The prudish way in which we treat sexual organs creates this mystery and discomfort. I’ve known many young people to react to reproductive organs and sex in ways not unlike the reaction many youth have to alcohol or drugs. 

We create the forbidden fruit for our children by how we choose to teach and explain. 

What do I know, though. Right? 

My daughter is only 3 years old. She thinks her dad has a vagina.

Then again, she doesn’t laugh when people say vagina. She doesn’t wince, cringe or look away awkwardly. She can talk to me about her body. 

I can’t even say the same for myself. I can’t talk to my doctors about my vagina, vulva or whatever without averting my eyes and laughing awkwardly. 

I hope this post and the 11 times I mentioned vaginas (oops, 12) helped desensitize you to the word. 

Also, sorry, dad. … This was probably very uncomfortable for you to read. I can understand that! 

Emotionally Speaking

The mind is a truly amazing thing. It can be highly controlled and systematic, or it can throw into an emotional abyss. I lean more toward the latter…

One moment, I was excited,  and a little stressed, about planning my wedding.

A split-second later I was consciously fighting off a sadness/panic/whatever attack when it hit me with a new, stronger realism. My mom wil not be at my wedding. 

I knew that. 

Of course, I knew that. 

Yet there I was, blinking quickly a breathing like a ’90s mom in Lamaze class! I was in rare form because I successfully fought back the attack, but I still feel the lingering ache from the emotional bruise of that moment. 

I wish I had a positive twist to this post. I wish a miracle would happen and mom would be here, but that is impossible. 

I will soon be Mrs. HOS. I will be surrounded by people I love, marrying the man I love. The day will be beautiful and perfect. 

No matter how amazing my day will be, I’ll still have a little ache in my heart. And I think that’s good. I feel this sadness because my mom was a blessing. I love her, and I miss her. If she wasn’t a meaningful part of my life, I wouldn’t bat an eye. 

Instead, I’ll be wiping them. Frequently. 

And reapplying mascara quickly. 

Thank you, mind, for reminding me a little of what I lost, but mostly of what I earned. 

Life Lessons from Snapchat

My 14-year-old niece recently taught my how to use Snapchat after finding out that I’m neither as trendy nor as tech-savvy as she had previously assumed. I’ll be honest. I still don’t get it. Why am I sending a Snapchat and a text message to the same person at the same time? Can’t I simply text the image?! 

Ugh. 

Anyway! A college friend added me and sends me pictures and videos of all the concerts, bars and events he frequents. The only thing I frequent is my refrigerator. 

I mean, c’mon! It’s a week night and he was sending me videos of bands I would like to know, but who has time for their own music when I’m listening to Fisher Price’s Little People CDs and Let It Go? (And yes, we are still listening to that damn song from Frozen.)

Naturally, I felt a little lame in comparison. I send pictures of my daughter, my cat, and my unruly hair. That is [most of] my life. 

In my best efforts to compete in this world of Snapchat, I sent a picture of my beautiful Charlotte and made a quip about her being my wild, and often times crazy, life. 

My friend conceded, but I still felt like I was missing out some how. 

Until I turned off my brain and really looked at my life. 

We, as parents, need reminders like these so we don’t go insane. Reminders that we traded in our nightlife (and everything else!) for something much bigger [to us] than a concert. 

There will be many experiences in this life that I will “miss out on” because I’m a mom. This isn’t the first time I felt envious of a non-parent, nor will it be the last. It is fleeting, though. I can handle missing out on things. I would be devastated if I missed out on Charli. 

Besides, we can hold a dance party as good as the rest of them. 😉   

  
So what’s the life lesson of my story? Be grateful for the life you have, and don’t expect any exciting nightlife Snapchat messages from me. I’ll most likely be sleeping. 

30 x 30 – Checking In

On December 9, 2012, I posted a 30 x 30 post with 30 goals I wanted to accomplish by the time I reached the age of 30. With my 28th birthday just around the corner, I thought it would be fun to see what I’ve accomplished to date.

In this case, I’m looking at all the things I haven’t accomplished, and a number of things I don’t care about any more.

  • I completed five of the 30.
  • I struck eight items from the list.
  • I revised two items.

If I had to select five things I wanted to accomplish in the next two years, I would choose the following:
Have baby #2
Move into a new home
Publish a children’s book
Volunteer more
Spend more time with the kiddo[s]

What would you do?

Here is my revised 30 x 30 goals in no particular order …

1. Take up yoga  What? Why?
2. Donate to Locks of Love
3. Volunteer more
4. Plan and execute at least one fundraiser for pancreatic cancer research I was still fairly new to motherhood when I wrote this. I was very optimistic. Let’s change this to participate in fundraiser.
5. Have a children’s book published
6. Learn html n/a
7. Strengthen my CSS “skills” n/a
8. Earn a position as a manager or director of marketing I love my current job. I have no desire to leave in the foreseeable future.
9. Start AND finish some of the DIY projects from my Pinterest Done! I did some… They were usually failures, but that counts!
10. Taste test a recipe from my Yum! board once a month I basically do this every monthly now when I meal plan. Trying new recipes with a nearly 3-year-old? I might as well buy the food, bring it home and throw it away.
11. Write a book for Charlotte each Christmas Each birthday… I’m counting it.
12. Start a Christmas Tradition – adopt-a-family, food drive, something charitable
13. Start a Christmas Tradition – giving one homemade gift to each family member
14. Have my second baby
15. Get married SOON!
16. Give Shane’s house a much needed makeover Why bother? See #17.
17. Buy a house
18. Adopt a dog Not if I’m planning on #14.
19. Plant a vegetable garden I did. I can count the veggies of my labor on one hand. *sigh*
20. Cook a holiday dinner all by myself
21. Give up soda Who drinks soda when they can drink Monster? Which is what I really need to give up….
22. Refresh Spanish skills and possibly take some classes
23. Teach Charlotte basic Spanish with the help of her Papa
24. Learn how to do fun braids and hairstyles for Charli Impossible witchcraft.
25. Write a business plan for a maternity store in either Topeka or Manhattan Good thing this didn’t happen because I have no interest in it any more!
26. Keep Charlotte’s photo album up-to-date
27. Make sure Charli knows her grandparents who already passed away
28. Visit Canada
29. Fly over the ocean – preferably to Europe or Australia
30. Visit all 50 states*

map

*I have already visited the gray states.

I’m Breaking Up With You, Wings

I’m currently in the midst of making some decisions that will drastically alter my life. I have ignored, hid from, dodged and ran away from this problem for too long, and now the change will be painful.

My Heart Hurts

Who am I kidding? My current situation is painful!

I am in love with double bacon cheeseburgers, greasy chips, gas station burritos (and meat loaf), chicken wings and most other similar foods of this wholesome nature. Sadly, the feeling is not mutual.

Tummy Ache

I’m tired of this one-sided relationship and all the belly-aching that comes from it – literally and figuratively. It’s time to stand up for myself. Enough is enough!

I’m breaking up with you, wings!

And you, too, double bacon cheeseburger! (But I’m keeping your number… You know, just in case.)

It’s not you, it’s me.

Ok, it’s you, but only because I can’t take your abuse any longer.

This is one of the most difficult break-ups of my life. These amazing, tantalizing foods are every where. People will consume them in my presence, mocking my “healthy” life choices.

I’ll reach a low point when I will probably cut chicken breasts into wing shapes, marinade them in a sweet chili sauce and bake them, pretending they are real wings. Lies and disappointment.

I’m going to be emotional for a while, but like the thousands of break-up memes on Google say:

I need to pour myself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull myself together because I’ll never find the right [food] if I don’t let go of the wrong [food].
I was happy before chicken wings, and I’ll be happy after them!

Each night I lay my head down on the pillow, I will tell myself I’m stronger because I’ve gone one more day with you wings.

Just know this chicken wings, my decision was not settled upon easily. For now, I really need you to respect my wishes and give me some space. 

I miss you already.