The mind is a truly amazing thing. It can be highly controlled and systematic, or it can throw into an emotional abyss. I lean more toward the latter…

One moment, I was excited,  and a little stressed, about planning my wedding.

A split-second later I was consciously fighting off a sadness/panic/whatever attack when it hit me with a new, stronger realism. My mom wil not be at my wedding. 

I knew that. 

Of course, I knew that. 

Yet there I was, blinking quickly a breathing like a ’90s mom in Lamaze class! I was in rare form because I successfully fought back the attack, but I still feel the lingering ache from the emotional bruise of that moment. 

I wish I had a positive twist to this post. I wish a miracle would happen and mom would be here, but that is impossible. 

I will soon be Mrs. HOS. I will be surrounded by people I love, marrying the man I love. The day will be beautiful and perfect. 

No matter how amazing my day will be, I’ll still have a little ache in my heart. And I think that’s good. I feel this sadness because my mom was a blessing. I love her, and I miss her. If she wasn’t a meaningful part of my life, I wouldn’t bat an eye. 

Instead, I’ll be wiping them. Frequently. 

And reapplying mascara quickly. 

Thank you, mind, for reminding me a little of what I lost, but mostly of what I earned. 

❤