Category Archives: Family Matters

This topic encompasses more than my daughter. These are the posts about family members, family stories, family wishes that go beyond the immediate.

None of the Day

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I taped a small 3″x3″ paper to my monitor. I placed it strategically in front of the volume knob and where the monitor on the left meets the the monitor on the right. Scrawled in blue Sharpie pen is one of the greatest lessons I will ever learn.

And I learned it from my four-year-old daughter.

Every day, we ask Charlotte two questions during dinner.

What was your favorite part about today?

What was your least favorite part about today? 

These two questions open up an opportunity for us to talk about wins in her day, as well as opportunities for growth. We can celebrate! And we can learn.

Most days, when asked about her favorite part of the day, Charli will tell us stories about fun activities from pre-school, sugar filled treats or special time with mom dad.

When asked about her least favorite part, she’ll recount a disagreement with a friend, getting in trouble or not getting something she wanted.

My favorite days are when I ask about her favorite part of the day while she bounces in her chair, eating her dinner. Without waiting until she swallows her bite, she bursts out: All of the day!

And when asked about the least favorite, she raises the eyebrows on her expressive little face and her eyes grow wide. She smiles and shouts, None of the day! 

None of the day.

The absence of anything negative in her day.

How fantastic!

Can you imagine if we all shared this same mentality? How might the world be different if we looked on our days and thought – no – believed that “all of the day” was our favorite part, leaving no room for any emotion other than joy?

I want to be undeniably in love with my life just like Charli.

So, I taped a small 3″x3″ paper to my monitor. I placed it strategically in front of the volume knob and where the monitor on the left meets the the monitor on the right. When I felt myself sliding toward negativity, my eyes darted to the paper to read the message.

What is your least favorite part of the day?

None of the day!

*Charlotte

I smiled and continued with the favorite part of my day – all of the day.

 

 

 

Glimpses of Jim

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“I wish you could have met Jim.”

Adam kicked back in his recliner on Monday and told me stories about hanging out with HOS and Jim (HOS’ dad). There was something about the goofy smile on his face and the glean in his eye that was so genuine it was almost painful.

He laughed at his own stories of taking Jim’s ATV for a joy ride in the middle of the night only to have Jim come outside half naked and hollering. Adam and HOS would sit around and shoot the breeze with Jim while he drank his whiskey drink.

I recall the only picture of Jim that I see with frequency. It’s a snapshot of Jim on his office. He has white hair and beard. He is wearing glasses, a farmer hat and a sweatshirt. I don’t know what he sounds like, but HOS has shown me a video of him once before. I want to know what it is about Jim that makes Adam look the way he did when he talked about Jim.

Adam says that HOS is just like his dad. Mama HOS and his sister say the same thing, too, so it must be true!

I think I catch glimpses of it. Is that possible? Can I see pieces of someone I never met in my fiancé?

I think I hear it when HOS starts talking about taking care of the family. … Or complains about the weather, or “kids these days,” or my inability to remember where I parked my car and/or put my keys.

I think I see it in the way he shakes his head is amazement at people – not good amazement, think dumbfounded amazement. Or in the way he looks at Charlotte and plays with her. I think I see his dad in the lines he creates when he rubs his head when he is stressed (or mad).

I wish I could have met Jim, too. Beyond that, I wish he could have met Charli. I imagine he would have had the same look on his face that HOS did, a look layered with love, joy, fear, and determination to make sure the world doesn’t lay one finger on her precious body.

I think I would have liked Jim quite a bit.

Husband of Sorts is No More

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You won’t be reading much about HOS on the blog moving forward… As of Tuesday, December 9, HOS is no longer my boyfriend.

He is my fiancé!!!

There are not enough exclamation points and smiley faces to adequately express my feelings. 🙂

How did he ask me?! Well, Let me tell you.

I came home to him pulling dinner out of the oven. I need to pause here for a moment. This is HUGE! HOS is a picky eater, so he hasn’t needed to cook. Ever. It’s crazy, I know.

We have had several conversations about cooking. Basically, I wanted some help in the kitchen. Coming home to find him pulling dinner out of the oven was a great moment in and of itself. I was elated to have the help, so I was hugging on HOS, giving him kisses and telling him thank you. I decided to razz him a little and said, “next thing you know, you’ll be proposing to me.”

The next thing I knew, HOS went upstairs. When he came back down, he had a black box. He had this smile on his face. I know he said something briefly as he handed me the box and dropped on his knee. I can’t tell you what he said. I was staring, dumbfounded, at the most beautiful ring!

HOS asked me to marry him, and I kept asking if he was serious, and is this was “for real.” I could hardly see through the rivers of tears running down my face.

There have been a few truly perfect moments in my life. One was Charlotte’s birthday, and one was this proposal.

Charli made it even better when I turned to show her my ring, and she said, “that’s MINE!”

I’m excited for the next chapter of my life with my beautiful little family. I love them more than they will ever know.

… Stay tuned for rants about wedding planning, bittersweet moments without my mom, and pitiful moments of wedding ignorance. 🙂

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Thanks, Mama HOS

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It’s Thanksgiving night, and I have thousands of reasons to give thanks. God blesses me and mine more than we deserve. Tonight, though, I want to focus on my gratitude for HOS’ mom.

Mama HOS is amazing on so many levels. She is strong, determined, loyal and fierce. She is also gentle, loving, generous and kind.

Mama HOS doesn’t mess around when it comes to her life and her family. Because of that, she spoils the pants off all of us. There is no favor too big or too small. She takes care of her family. I could share one hundred reasons I’m thankful for her.

My #1 reason I’m thankful for Mama HOS is her pure, vast love for Charli.

This afternoon, I watched Mama HOS rock Charlotte. She whispered softly to Charli and made up stories while gently caressing Charlotte’s hair.

I excused myself from the room and went to find HOS. He took one look at me and asked if I was ok. I started crying and told him about his mom and Charlotte in the next room. I couldn’t explain why I was crying, but my heart couldn’t handle that scene without overflowing!

I think I have a better understanding now. I cried because I am thankful.

I’m thankful Mama HOS is here.

I’m thankful Charli has family nearby.

I’m thankful HOS’ family wants to have a close relationship with her.

I’m thankful that, while my mom can’t be here to rock Charlotte and love on her, Mama HOS (and Nana Sue) will fill that role and be so amazing. That is so hard for me because no one will be my mom, but damn, these grandmas are just right for my baby.

And now, I’m crying again.

Thanks, Mama HOS! 🙂

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12 Things I Learned While on Vacation With My Two-Year-Old

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Last week, I took Charlotte on her very first vacation! There is nothing like taking a brand new two-year-old on a trip … without HOS … To visit family six hours away. But seriously, I made precious memories with my sweet baby, and I learned a lot.

What I learned while on a five-day vacation with my two-year-old:

1. If Charlotte is sleeping in the car, do NOT wake her! Sure, she refused to eat lunch and the only food in her belly may be seven donut holes (don’t judge!) but once she is awake, there is no going back to sleep.

2. Don’t be cheap about audio books. I don’t know. Maybe you enjoy listening to one chapter read by a British woman followed by one chapter read by a gruff old man followed by a chapter read by someone whose accent is so heavy you simply skip the chapter in its entirety. If you don’t enjoy some odd woman reading in strange little voices that make you seriously consider listening to local, rural Nebraska radio stations, then I recommend paying for the audio book on Audible or using an app from your library.

3. Charli is afraid of men. She seemed to develop a leeriness of men overnight. She has never met you? She doesn’t like you. You’re her papa whom she talks about constantly? She doesn’t like you. You’re her cousin who plants a sweet kiss on her forehead? She dislikes you so much she cries.

4. The need for naps is real, people. Trust me, you don’t want to test this!

5. Charli is afraid of trains. She will stand in a completely empty room and begin telling me, “I scare. I scare! Twains, mommy!” An hour later, she sill stand in a room filled with toy trains, a conductor hat placed backward upon her head, and she is happy! I can’t pretend to understand this child.

6. Sugar is not a source for sustainable energy. Charlotte tried to prove me wrong all week long, and failed every time.

7. Charli is afraid of farm animals. I’m fairly certain this is due to the fact that all animals have faces. This is apparently very scary, especially when said farm animals look Charlotte in the face.

8. There are few greater feelings than your baby (two-years-old counts..) falling asleep in your arms. There are few greater workouts for your thighs than climbing two flights of stairs while carrying that 27 lb “baby!”

9. Charli is afraid of curtained windows. … For this, I have no explanation.

10. Tantrums thrown by a “two” are not at all like what you people describe! They are worse.

11. Charli is afraid dogs. Again, they have faces.

12. If possible, always leave for a road trip at the beginning of nap time, preferably when Charlotte has a full belly! Driving solo with a toddler trapped in a car seat is no easy feat! (And remember #1!)

What lessons have you learned on your family vacations?

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Unintentionally Sad Blog Post

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One of my clients recently told me her children are 18 and 16 years old. I asked if her oldest was still home or off at college. This was her response…

My daughter is 18 and a senior. She is headed to college in the fall. I go back and forth between wanting to change the locks while she’s at school to following her around the house like a puppy saying, “Why do you want to leave me?” Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was cutting her grapes in half and sleeping on her floor when she had a fever? Sigh . .

You know in movies how something small, like a phrase or song, will cause the lead characters eyes to glaze over as the movie transitions to a black and white memory scene?

This is nothing like that.

But the email did bring tears to my eyes as I remembered my senior year of high school. My last year with my mom.

I remember summer 2004 when we would eat junk food and watch terrible TV. I remember awkward conversations. I remember laying my head on her shoulder for comfort. I remember questioning decisions in her life, only to have her catch me off guard or blow me away with her answer.

And I remember so much more, but those things would only embarrass me to share!

My senior year of high school, my mom and I began a transition from parent-child to parent-adult child, aka friendship. We never quite finished that transition, but I’m so glad we had the opportunity to begin that bond.

After forcing away the urge to cry, I smiled. I couldn’t bring myself to mention losing my mom. I don’t want to scare the woman! But I did write her this…

I remember my senior year with my mom. I learned so much about who she was.. How strong she was.. I say you have every right to follow your daughter around like a puppy. Give her extra hugs and kisses. Share some private mom/daughter time. She may not ever tell you, but it’s the best gift she’ll ever receive.

That goes for you, too, reader. I don’t care where you are at in your life, but you have every right to follow your children around and remind them of how much you love them. You never know when you won’t be there to remind them again.

End unintentionally sad blog post.

Limit The Smart Phone

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I wonder what it was like to be in a relationship before Facebook, Candy Crush and text messages ruled the world. I would like to think that people sustained eye contact during conversations. People surely had more intellectual discourse. Active engagement occurred when people were together – they listened with our the distraction of dings, whistles and vibrations. They responded thoughtfully without having to be torn away from a miniature screen. People interacted in-person. What a world that must have been, and how differently relationships must have been…

Of course, short of some sort of technological catastrophe, I will never know what that is like.

I feel as though my generation has lost bits of its humanity for many reasons, but technology is behind most of them. Those are arguments that could go one for days. Right now, I’m concerned with our inability to converse for more than 30 minutes – or even 10 minutes – without checking our phones. How ridiculous!

I am no innocent party, mind you. I am equally as addicted to Facebook as the average 26 year old woman. I have spent hours mindlessly flipping through Pinterest. I’m not much for games on my phone unless they are word games, but that has more to do with a lack of skill than a lack of interest. I spend more hours on my phone than I get to see my daughter on week nights.

I repeat…

I SPEND MORE HOURS ON MY PHONE THAN I GET SEE MY DAUGHTER ON WEEK NIGHTS.

That is ridiculous.

HOS and I have had “conversations” when the only eye contact were quick glances up from screens. We make life decisions with our eyes down instead of looking up and looking forward.

What is wrong with us?! (Us being the collective generation.)

It’s likely that I romanticize the pre-smart phone era as a magical land with improved relationships. I know that the world has always had its distractions, but I doubt any have been as in-your-face as this.

When I visit my dad, it’s a phone-free zone, mostly. It’s not a rule in his house, but a God-given gift. His home is an a little valley and the reception is terrible! Count your blessings, dad.

Of course, I could connect to the Internet and access most things that way, but I choose not to because I enjoy the temporary separation from my awful relationship with my iPhone. I can better enjoy the limited time with my family. It is truly a gift.

I think it’s time I brought this to my house. In a drastic move, I could purchase a cell phone jammer to truly disable my connectivity… Or, a more sane approach will be to put my phone away when I walk in the door. The sound will be on in case of emergencies, but the phone itself doesn’t need to be within an arms length.

I want my time with my child to outweigh my time spent on this piece of hardware.

I want my time spent with HOS to really be with HOS.

I want my family to know what it means to spend time together and not just time next to one another.

It may be twelve days late, but I believe this will be the best resolution I could execute for me and my family.

In 2014, I will limit the amount of time I spend on my phone at home to no more than one hour per day. This phone time can only be used while Charli is sleeping.

May my life be better for it!

How do you think limiting phone time would impact your life?

On Marriage

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Marriage isn’t for me. Wait. What?!

When a friend posted the blog, Marriage Isn’t for Me, on Facebook the other day, I was intrigued.

If you haven’t read this blog yet, I encourage you to take some time to read it. I really enjoy hearing/reading the male perspective on proposals and marriage. I believe our society has made marriage into a woman’s thing, especially the wedding. It’s rare for me to hear a man’s thoughts on the matter. It’s encouraging and inspirational. It also makes me believe men do care more about these things than they let on!

Not surprisingly, The blog moved me to tears. But my tears were inspired by the honesty, respect and honor of a father’s advice, and by the admission that its easy to forget this advice. I also cried because reading this blog made me think about my relationship with HOS.

If you know what HOS means – husband of sorts – you’ve probably picked up on the fact that we are not married, but we are blessed in many ways. Most importantly, we are blessed with Ms. Charli! I am not married, but I have been careful not to put too much pressure on HOS about the matter. I drop some hints and make jokes every now and again – I can’t let him forget! – but I know that nagging at him will get us no where.

After reading this blog, I realized that I have spent my life looking at marriage the wrong way. And when I really start to think about it, HOS already lives his life like this! Everything he does is for me and Charlotte, from the hours he works to the lifestyle he now lives.

I may not have a crazy production of a proposal and I may not have a ring (well, I have one my dad gave my mom), but I have a man who would do anything and already does everything for me. Am I doing the same for him?

I think so. I hope he thinks so…

Next time someone asks me when I’m getting married, I’ll do my best to remember that getting married isn’t for me. And if it isn’t for me, it sure as heck isn’t for all these other people either!

My Niece’s Love

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I received a gift beyond measure today. The gift was so meaningful and so powerful it brought tears to my eyes.

I have loved and adored my niece for more than 13 years. I am so proud of the intelligent, caring, beautiful young woman she is becoming. My sister is one heck of a mom to raise this girl on her own.

I was only 13 years old when she was born, and I didn’t know the first thing about being an aunt. I loved dressing her like a mini me and playing with her. As I grew into the person I am today, and my nieces life changed, our relationship evolved.

I am proud to say that she is one of my closest friends. I’m honest with her even when the questions are tough. I tell her what is right, not what is easy. I don’t always tell her what she wants to hear, but she knows I mean well. And she knows that she can tell me anything. And as long as it isn’t anything dangerous or harmful, I keep her secrets.

I’m so grateful that HOS understands our bond. I told him once that if – God forbid – anything were to happen to my sister, I would fight tooth and nail to keep my niece with me. I would never lose her. He would fight for her by my side.

My goal, especially since becoming an adult, is to be a role model for my niece. I want to be someone she can turn to. Someone she can look up to. And someone she can be proud of.

Most people spend their whole lives never knowing the impact they have on another person. We never really know what sinks in or what matters. … But today, I learned that I am exactly who I wanted to be for my niece.

I received the greatest gift today in the form of a PowerPoint. My niece’s teacher sent it to my sister who shared it with me. The presentation was all about my niece – who she is, what she likes, what she wants to do when she grows up…

And on one of the last slides she wrote this:

“My Aunt taught me that if I’m not happy with something in my life that is in my control then change it – therefore I’m never unhappy with anything that is in my control.”

When I read that, I knew my mom would be proud of who I am. And I cried happy tears.

Taking Advantage of Rare Free Time

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I used to think the worst thing to happen to a weekend would be no plans.

Now?

I pray for just one day for one day free from activities and schedules. And then I realize that my daughter is one-year-old. The schedules will only become exponentially busier.

I’ll be trying ducking and weaving through panic attacks in my future, but today I’m simply struggling to balance my family-faith-friends-work-volunteer balance. As you can understand, this is no easy feat!

Last weekend, I was constantly on the go. Looking back at my time – Friday through Sunday – I can isolate four, maybe five hours of quality time with Charlotte. … And that makes my heart ache. I find myself sneaking into her room to swoop her up for extra hugs and kisses.

In order to make up for missing out on the precious time offered on the weekends, I let dinner cook in the crockpot so I wouldn’t need to cook today. I designated all night as family night!

We all three enjoyed a meal AT the dinner table. This was huge for us! We rarely eat the same meal, let alone at the same time. Enforcing the family meal time isn’t a possibility with HOS’ career, but I’m happy to take advantage when I have the chance!

After dinner, we let Charlotte paint her first pumpkin! This was another example of cute ideas online that never turn out as expected in real life.

First, Charli decided to taste the paint and then spent a good five minutes gagging, coughing and spitting.

Second, painting MY pants turned out to be far more amusing than painting pumpkin.

Third, Charli wanted to actually paint. … With a brush! We now have some nice purple and blue splatter on the kitchen walls.

Most importantly, though, we had a happy baby girl covered in paint and smiles.

We ended the night with a bath, play time and reading.

Life isn’t going to be slowing down any time soon, so it’s up to me to take advantage of what little time we do have as a family. I guess that means more scheduling? 🙂

What do you do to take advantage of rare free time with your family?

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