Author Archives: thissideoftherainbow

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About thissideoftherainbow

First and foremost, I'm a mom & I love it more than anything else on this planet. I'm a talker. I'd like to think that keeping this blog will help me to reduce my chatter, but who am I kidding?

Leaving On a Jet Plane

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In eight hours, I’ll be leaving my little family for a quick business trip to Chicago. I just found out about the trip on Tuesday, and I’ll leave tomorrow morning and return Tuesday evening. It’s just a blip in the crazy, too fast life. But my tummy is turning and my heart is aching while I listen to Charli tossing and turning in the next room.

*sigh*

This is my third work trip away, and it’s the shortest. I thought that being gone for a short trip would get easier, but no such luck.

Maybe when she’s a pre-teen and we fight about everything?

Doubtful.

I’m afraid I’m one of those moms who will forever miss her child(ren). I am only consoled by the fact that she won’t remember I was gone. … Yet. And she probably won’t even miss me. Of course, this just makes me sad for other reasons entirely!

There is no winning. Unconditional love is the most awesome and wonderful thing, but it, too, has its downfalls.

I doubt I’ll get much sleep tonight. I really want to scoop Charli up out of her crib and fall asleep with her in my arms so I can cling to the feeling of her cool cheek against mine and the smell of her freshly bathed hair. But I won’t disturb her.. Not until morning, any way. 🙂

Lessons Learned (with more to come, I’m sure)

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I hope HOS doesn’t read this and get upset, but we had a little tiff a week ago. That little tiff taught me a big lesson in parenting, one that I’m afraid I will fail many, many times.

The argument itself was trivial, but it was the situation surrounding the discourse. My lovely, 13 year old niece was hanging out at the house and sitting just inches away from me when they altercation occurred.

We didn’t raise our voices, throw things at each other or spit hateful things (out loud) (I kid!). But we still put my niece in a very uncomfortable position by letting that disagreement happen in front of her.

I quickly followed HOS when he left the room and we talked about the minor problem at hand. It was resolved painlessly and without the need for me to send him passive aggressive texts while he was with friends. … Not that I would EVER do that. …

Anyway, this story is about what I learned. I don’t want to be that couple that fights openly in front of other people. We are happy together. I want people to know that we are happy together. And I definitely want my daughter to see happy, healthy relationship between her parents, friends, family, etc. I want these same things for my niece.

After I talked with Shane, I sat with my niece and apologized. I told her that she shouldn’t have been in that situation, and it hopefully (no promises) won’t happen again. I also explained that despite our disagreement, Shane and I are happy. We love each other, and I don’t want her to worry or think that something is wrong. I explained that even the happiest of couples will fight sometimes. The sweet thing just asked if everything was ok after I talked to him and went back to her iPod.

Every situation we experience yields a lesson. I don’t think we always know, understand or agree with the lesson, but it is what it is. In this situation, my niece taught me the importance of being aware of surroundings and how we want to be represented before showing some hostilities.

This is not me condoning lying or hiding feelings because there are people around. This is about finding the right times and right ways to communicate.

For only 13, this girl sure does teach me a lot. 🙂

There She Goes Again

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A lady today told me that if babies stayed itty-bitty, cuddly, babies for a longer time period, people would have fewer kids.

I agree.

Charli has changed so much, so quickly.

Just when I start to feel like I have a handle on Charlotte’s new stage, and I’ve stopped pouting about how old she looks, everything changes again!

I’m still reeling from her first birthday. I keep looking at the hundreds of pictures we’ve taken since July 26, 2012. Teary-eyed, I force HOS to participate by shoving pictures into his face and asking if he removes the time she did this or her first that. *sigh* I’m not ready to accept that my precious baby is one, and she goes and does this …

Don’t get me wrong! I’m so proud of her. I’m amazed at how quickly she learns, and how strong she is. I’m so happy for her. … I just feel bad for myself. My baby isn’t a baby, baby any more.

And I’m too out of shape to chase this little walking machine!!

Twelve Months

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Last Friday, three days ago, my little girl turned one year old. Her smiles, laughs and big blue eyes have consumed my world for 12 full months. Her tears, ouchies and illnesses have lead to 12 full months of less than restful sleep. But my love for her began long before July 26, 2012.

Growing up, I never dreamed of wedding or knights in shining armor. I knew my best friend, my cousin Kelsey, would be my bridesmaid. That’s it. But I did dream of being a mom. I imagined how amazing it would be to have my own kids, and I decided I would get married right after college and start a family.

Like most childhood dreams, this didn’t happen. Not the marriage after college or the baby. … It was a couple years after graduation when I found out I was pregnant, and I was finishing graduate school, not undergrad.

I remember being terrified, and realizing the nothing would ever be the same. I remember realizing I was no longer me any more, I was a mom. I remember feeling her move inside me and the emotion of finding out she was a girl. I miss rubbing my belly and having her that close to me at all times. *sigh*

I fell in love with Charlotte while pregnant. I knew there was no going back, and my life would never be the same.

Twelve months later, I’m faced with the daily trials and tribulations of being a mother, but every frustration and panic attack is worth it just to see her little face.

In one year, Charli has had two ear infections and one mystery rash, but no fevers over 100 degrees. She has 8 teeth, will be walking soon and tries to mimic words.

This year has been a roller coaster. But I would give up the ride if my life depended on it.

To all the moms who survived year one, and many more!! Thank you, and may you pass along your wisdom.

Mommy Weakness

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Mothers talk about things like this in private, and a few have been outspoken about it. … I still feel like a bad mom when I say it, but sometimes I just can’t do it.

Obviously, I can and I do, but there are minutes, hours and one or two days where I just feel defeated.

I don’t want to be crawled all over, pinched, scratched or hit. I don’t want to sit in front of a high chair for an hour. I don’t want to say “no,” and be ignored. I don’t want to listen to tantrums or unwarranted crying.

So I feel frustrated, and more than once, I’ve shed tears during these moments of mommy weakness. I try so hard not to raise my voice or get angry.

… Because I did. I did yell once. The look of fear and then awful crying that followed broke my heart more than anything I have experienced. And despite my being at fault, she crawled to me for comfort, making me feel that much worse.

During these times – times like tonight – I shove all of my “I don’t wants” deep down inside me. I become a jungle gym. I let her eat for as long as she wants, one tiny bite at a time. I say no over, and over, and over again. And I try to soothe as comfort as much as I can.

The tension on my jaw gets tighter causing my TMJ to flare up, but it’s all for the greater good – the screaming 11 month old one room over. The keeper of my heart, and potential destroyer of my sanity.

Good Eats: Homemade Granola Bars

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A little more than two weeks ago, I made a major decision. …

This Midwestern, medium-rare steak eatin’, food lovin’ girl gave up meat.

It wasn’t a decision made lightly. And it wasn’t based on animal rights – not that I think there is anything wrong with that. I chose to give up meat because I have struggled with stomach pains for about seven years now. I’ve seen a number of doctors, but to no avail.

SO, I’ve finally decided to make major dietary changes to help me identify the types of foods that cause my pains. After my body adjusts to a vegetarian diet without any issues, I’ll slowly reintroduce different meats. I already had suspicions that red meat was part of the problem. I guess I’ll find out soon enough!

The hardest part of becoming a vegetarian isn’t giving up meat. It’s finding easy, quick and appetizing recipes!

I was lucky enough to find a really great recipe for homemade granola bars. These bars are cheap, simple and don’t take much time to make. And you can make them as (un)healthy as you’d like.

Homemade Granola Bars

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Ingredients2 1/2 cups Rice Krispies
2 cups oats
1/4 tsp cinnamon
3/4 cup dried fruit (I used cranberries, raisins, cherries and prunes)
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup honey
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla

Recipe

1. Mix the Rice Krispies, Oats, cinnamon, dried fruit and chocolate chips together in a large bowl.
2. In a saucepan, add the honey and brown sugar. Bring to a boil while stirring constantly.
3. Remove honey and brown sugar mixture from heat and mix in the peanut butter and vanilla. Mix well.
4. Pour the peanut butter/sugar mixture over the dry ingredients and blend well.
5. Line a 9″ x 13″ baking dish with wax paper. And pour the granola mix into the dish. Use a spatula to spread out evenly.
6. Set the dish aside so the mix cools completely. This will take around one hour.
7. After the mix is set, use a pizza cutter (or any knife) to cut out the bars. Bag or wrap immediately and place in fridge or cupboard.

2 Going on 3

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I’ve heard people talk about their children always wanting to grow up much faster than they should. And up until about 11 months ago, I had no idea what they meant.

Why?

Aside from the obvious fact that I became a mama, 11 months ago, I was still one of those children. I was always wanting more, looking to the next “step” in life.

While on a much, MUCH smaller scale, I’m experiencing the same struggle my parents had with me. Charli just wants to grow up too darn fast!

I mean, the girl thinks she is 2 going on 3 or something! 😉

But seriously. Charlotte demanded that we let her eat her whole sandwich and not little pieces.

I’m sure today is the first of many instances like this that will only get more and more difficult. I just don’t know that I’m ready for this!

Don’t have much of a choice, though, do I?

Do parents always feel a stressful combination of pride, fear, happiness and self-doubt?

My baby girl eating her big girl grilled cheese!

It’s the Little Things

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Sometimes I get really caught up in the whirlwind of parenting. I start thinking about all of the things I need to reach Charlotte, and I wonder how HOS and I will ever accomplish any of it. And then something happens to remind me that parenting is as much about learning from Charli as it is about teaching her.

Charli loves the kitchen. There is something about the sound she makes when her hands and knees hit the laminated floors that makes her smile so big.

I love how happy it makes her, but the kitchen is home to kitty food, cupboards full of “no” items and a hot oven. Not to mention, Charlotte is as bad as Bear now when it comes to the fridge. As soon as it opens, they both make a b-line for it.

Charli was playing in the kitchen last night while I was trying to make dinner. All you moms and dads know how sweet it is when your baby pulls herself up on your pant legs. But there is something inherently dangerous about an oven at 350, a mom wielding a large knife and a baby yanking on things and pulling on mom.

I emptied a bottle of grated Parmesan in my recipe, so I dumped some dry beans into the canister and shook it at Charli.

Game on.

That little girl was stoked. She sat in the middle of the floor shaking the bottle, whacking it on the floor and chasing it when it rolled away.

An empty canister and handful of beans made my daughter happier than most people feel when they eat chocolate chip cookies.

And that is pretty darn happy.

Last night Charlotte taught (reminded) me that it’s the little things in life. We often over look them, but they are what can bring us the most joy.

Smart girl.

Truest Love

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I think one of the great questions of humanity is how to know what true love looks and feels like.

I cannot accurately answer that question, but I vividly remember the few times I have seen it.

The first time, HOS and I were getting a sonogram to find out the sex of “lil’ red”aka Charlotte. HOS stared at the screen in wonder as the radiology the shower us the first pictures of our baby girl. I wish I could describe the look on his face and do it justice. Instead, I’ll just say that it was like he was experiencing joy, pride, excitement and awe in its fullest and purest combination. It brought tears to my eyes.

The second time, HOS was in Dallas for work and Charli said dada for the first time. Charlotte and I Skyped him that night, and just before the ended, she said dada. It doesn’t matter that we knew she wasn’t actually talking to him, but it doesn’t matter. That moment is magical. HOS had the same look on his face that he had at the sonogram.

The third time isn’t a specific instance. It’s a collection of moments when Charli is laughing, playing, singing or dancing and I catch a glimpse of HOS watching her. And he has that same look.

To this day, the way HOS looks at Charlotte still brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips.

I may be young, but I know I’ve seen what true love. It’s in the way HOS looks at our daughter. There can be no love greater.

A Little More Romance

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I haven’t been very motivated to blog lately. I’ve been distracted by life and some of its slight downturns. I’ve always wanted to keep this blog positive, but I am human. I need to share my lows along with all my wonderful highs.

Lately, I’ve been creating rough moments for HOS and myself. I hear stories from people at work about romantic nights out with spouses or boyfriends. Friends are getting married. Shoot, friends are walking down the aisle just eight months after meeting one another.

The girly, silly side of me is envious.

I love my family, and all my time with HOS and Charlotte. I also have relationship needs. It’s selfish, I know, but it’s still a desire.

I’m a sucker for walks at the park, picnics and just spending time at the lake. Of course, I like a good meal and a movie, too. I like to think I’m easy to please. What’s not easy is finding a sitter.

HOS does his best. And he puts up with me on a daily basis. I should just be grateful for that! He does get frustrated, saying I compare us to others. I don’t deny that, but I’m not asking for a wedding. I just want a little more romance.

Is it unappreciative or too selfish?

It makes me feel that way.