Category Archives: Becoming Mom

A lesson among lessons in my new motherhood adventure is that I will always be “becoming mom.” No matter what age or what life experience my daughter (and future children) go through, I’ll be learning alongside them. I’ll become the mom she/they need over and over again.

Mohammad A-Charli

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There are some moments in parenting that are too funny not to share, see earlier post about Charlotte puking in my mouth.

Tonight, HOS was the victim of little Charli’s wrath.

Let me set the scene…

Frequently while nursing, Charlotte would punch me, slap me or cover my mouth with her hand if I spoke. She is definitely the boss in this house.

HOS has been lucky enough to observe her discipline me, but has never suffered at her hand. … Until today!

HOS was nuzzling on Charli and asking her if she wanted Wild Wings. Then, in his best daddy voice, he told her she’s have to pay for her own dinner.

Charlotte responded by balling up her right fist and punching him square in the jaw.

Charli doesn’t pay for her own dinner!

I about died! My little girl cold cocked her daddy at 5 months old. My own little Mohammed A-Charli.

At least, HOS has no more doubts about who’s the boss of this house!

Charli’s First Christmas!

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A little over a week ago, HOS and I had a quick Charlotte photo shoot for our Christmas cards. I wanted to do something cute with just Charli, so I wrapped an empty box and placed her inside with a bow on her her.

I’d like to say that my nice point-an-shoot digital camera took photos that put HOS’ iPhone 5 to shame. Alas, this was not the case. *sigh* Regardless of whose technology was better, we captured some great pictures of Charlotte. Here are a few of my favorite outtakes to celebrate Charlotte’s first Christmas!

I may be biased… But I’m pretty sure Ms. Charli is the cutest darn baby on this planet!

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30 x 30

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I recently read a blog post by a friend that was about her 30 x 30 goals, and I loved the idea. Basically, she and another friend created the idea to set up bucket lists with milestones they would like to hit by the time they are 30, 40, 50, etc. For 30 years old, there are 30 goals.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what goals I would set for myself. It’s not as easy as I anticipated. Regardless, I need to set goals for myself – goals for me as a mom and as an individual.

Here it goes! My 30 x 30 goals in no particular order…

1. Take up yoga
2. Donate to Locks of Love
3. Volunteer more
4. Plan and execute at least one fundraiser for pancreatic cancer research
5. Have a children’s book published
6. Learn html
7. Strengthen my CSS “skills”
8. Earn a position as a manager or director of marketing
9. Start AND finish some of the DIY projects from my Pinterest
10. Taste test a recipe from my Yum! board once a month
11. Write a book for Charlotte each Christmas
12. Start a Christmas Tradition – adopt-a-family, food drive, something charitable
13. Start a Christmas Tradition – giving one homemade gift to each family member
14. Have my second baby
15. Get married
16. Give Shane’s house a much needed makeover
17. Buy a house
18. Adopt a dog
19. Plant a vegetable garden
20. Cook a holiday dinner all by myself
21. Give up soda
22. Refresh Spanish skills and possibly take some classes
23. Teach Charlotte basic Spanish with the help of her Papa
24. Learn how to do fun braids and hairstyles for Charli
25. Write a business plan for a maternity store in either Topeka or Manhattan
26. Keep Charlotte’s photo album up-to-date
27. Make sure Charli knows her grandparents who already passed away
28. Visit Canada
29. Fly over the ocean – preferably to Europe or Australia
30. Visit all 50 states*

map

*I have already visited the gray states.

366 Days

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366 days ago I went home from my MBA strategic marketing class feeling fine aside from some minimal heartburn. I don’t know why I decided to take a pregnancy test. I remember talking to Bear as she sat in the bathroom doorway while I took the test. I told her how silly the test was. When I walked back into the bathroom I could see the face of the digital test. I remember thinking, “There’s only one word. There should be two words…” Sitting on the floor next to my toilet was one word in bold, black writing – PREGNANT.

In a state of panic or numbness or just plain naivety, I drove to the grocery store and purchased a second test… Different brand… Not digital.

I sat in Shane’s bathroom and watched as the line and cross appeared dark, blue and fast on the EPT test. He was out for guys’ night, so I called my sister to verify the validity of these silly little pee tests. Much to my dismay, they are far more accurate than I imagined.

I broke the news to Shane when he got home from guys’ night. He was like a deer in headlights. The look on his face made me so uncomfortable. I laughed awkwardly and begged him not to look at me like that. He walked over to the bed and slowly sat down. I’m sure I apologized one hundred times, but he hushed me and told me that there was nothing to apologize for.

I have always wanted to be a mom. I never dreamed about weddings when I was young, but I always dreamed about having children. But as I sat on the edge of the bed, Shane held me as I cried. I was terrified.

366 days ago I learned that I was going to be a mom.

And I have never looked back.

Double-Headed Coin

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This weekend I ingested spit-up. I also made Charlotte laugh by myself for the first time.

These are the two sides of the coin that is my life, and presumably parenthood. One moment you have vomit in your mouth (literally), and the next moment you’re filled with complete and utter joy.

Yesterday, I made one of the more regrettable newbie mom mistakes. Charli likes to be wiggled back and forth. She also likes to be lifted up in the air. I have been on a mission to make her smile for about four weeks, so I had the brilliant idea to couple her favorite things. I wiggled her back and forth a few times to get her in a good mood and then lifted her high about me while I sat on the couch. I smiled up at her with a big, open-mouthed smile. And then, there was something warm and on my face, in my hair and, yes, in my mouth. I began spitting and sputtering instantaneously once I realized what had happened. The spit-up from my hair and face rolled down my forehead to the tip of my nose. Even worse, I wasn’t able to expel all of it from my mouth before I swallowed.

Shane, of course, thought this was the funniest thing he has seen. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh so hard or so long.

puke face

Nothing short of a video capturing the moment would do this incident justice, but this is an image shortly after the event.

Needless to say, I’ll think twice before lifting Charlotte or any other baby over my head any time soon.

As if to make up for throwing up on me, I had a sweet victory today. Ever since the baby sitter made Charli laugh in front of my, I have been on a mission to make my daughter laugh. There is something defeating and horribly saddening about the babysitter experiencing Charlotte’s firsts and me getting the second or third or fourths. That is another post within itself.

So, I have been pulling out all the stops – tickling, tossing, raspberries, kisses and nom-noms. Nothing was working.

Charlotte in bouncer

She’d crack a smile, as if to politely acknowledge my attempts, and then return to sucking on her fingers.

I changed her diaper today and then nom-nommed on her bare belly. Charlotte giggled a little before letting loose with real, adorable baby laughter that melts iciest of hearts. I can neither confirm nor deny the victory dance that may have followed the glorious victory.

Being a mom is a double-headed coin in my book. It may involve some spit-up, but no matter how the coin lands, I’m winning. I still have this beautiful blessing.

Gaining Some Perspective

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I’m going to let you in on a secret that I learned very quickly after becoming a mom last July. New parents have no idea what they are doing. None of us. We stumble around in highly caffeinated semi-comas, rocking back-and-forth and randomly tearing up at Google commercials and anything happy, funny, angry, loving, hateful, nice, rude, sad…

We question our abilities as parents on a regular basis. So when Shane shared a Forbes article with me – 7 Ways You’re Hurting Your Daughter’s Future – I realized that my concerns are well-founded. There is a significant possibility I’m going to screw up my child. And then again, I may not.

I have read too many blogs and articles telling me things like kissing my daughter on the lips will give her cavity bacteria and how holding her will keep her from becoming independent.
The Forbes article was different. For one, it actually makes sense, and #7 really hit home.

7. You criticize your own body, and/or other women’s bodies.

*Sigh.*

Before getting pregnant with Charlotte, I was at my healthiest and most fit. I fondly dubbed that period of my life as the Skinny Summer. Thirty-five pounds gained and 28 pounds lost and hips, thighs and stomach stretch marks later, my self-esteem is at an all-time low. I frequently comment on my appearance as gross, disgusting or fat and it doesn’t phase me. The thought of my daughter inheriting a negative self-image has me thinking twice about myself and my goals as a mother.

Honestly, parenting isn’t the only thing I’m fumbling my way through. I don’t know very much about who I am yet. I do know that I want nothing more than to be the very best mom for Charli. The only way I know how to do that is to discover myself during the process of becoming a mom. Charlotte and I will grow together, and one day, when she is holding her own baby in her arms – elated, terrified and nervous – I’ll share this journey with her. How a mother and daughter (and amazing father and husband of sorts – Shane aka HOS) wrote their life story on this side of the rainbow. Image