366 Days

366 days ago I went home from my MBA strategic marketing class feeling fine aside from some minimal heartburn. I don’t know why I decided to take a pregnancy test. I remember talking to Bear as she sat in the bathroom doorway while I took the test. I told her how silly the test was. When I walked back into the bathroom I could see the face of the digital test. I remember thinking, “There’s only one word. There should be two words…” Sitting on the floor next to my toilet was one word in bold, black writing – PREGNANT.

In a state of panic or numbness or just plain naivety, I drove to the grocery store and purchased a second test… Different brand… Not digital.

I sat in Shane’s bathroom and watched as the line and cross appeared dark, blue and fast on the EPT test. He was out for guys’ night, so I called my sister to verify the validity of these silly little pee tests. Much to my dismay, they are far more accurate than I imagined.

I broke the news to Shane when he got home from guys’ night. He was like a deer in headlights. The look on his face made me so uncomfortable. I laughed awkwardly and begged him not to look at me like that. He walked over to the bed and slowly sat down. I’m sure I apologized one hundred times, but he hushed me and told me that there was nothing to apologize for.

I have always wanted to be a mom. I never dreamed about weddings when I was young, but I always dreamed about having children. But as I sat on the edge of the bed, Shane held me as I cried. I was terrified.

366 days ago I learned that I was going to be a mom.

And I have never looked back.

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