Dear HOS: I Can’t Take Any ‘Snore’

(The posts I write and categorize as “Dear HOS” will be letters to my man. These brief letters will contain devotions of love, confessions of disappointment and thankfulness for our relationship. This topic will be a mixed bag of posts, but they will be genuine.)

Dear HOS,

I love you, and I missed you while you were away this weekend. The house seemed much emptier, the noises much louder and creepier, and the parenting was a little more difficult.

That being said…

I slept better than I have in weeks.

In recent weeks, I’ve rudely awakened you to let you know that you were snoring. LOUDLY. And despite my less-than-friendly midnight demands regarding nasal strips, you refused.

Tonight, though, you remembered! I don’t know if this was brought on by my threat of punching you in the face while you were sleeping or by you recognizing that your nasal congestion would amplify your snores.

It’s neither here nor there!

I greatly appreciate you remembering the nasal strips.


They do not work.

Each time you inhale, the air entering your nasal cavities makes a sound that makes the little hairs in my ears stand up. It’s like someone held a chalkboard next to my left ear and ran their fingernails down it, and then stretched cotton balls. It’s like that, only worse.

My left ear is tingling and achy. I finally gave up. I’m cuddled on the couch with our cat who keeps purring. Each purr grates on my tender ears.


I love you, HOS, and I’m grateful you wore the nasal strips, but it’s not enough. It’s time we deal with the snoring… Before I snap.

Oh, if you’re wondering where I am, I’m sleeping on the couch in the basement. It’s the safest distance.



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