Seven Years

Today is the 7-year anniversary of the day my mom died. She was only 51 years old.

Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in early September 2005. She lived just three short months after her diagnosis. I used to think that was so hard. We had just three months to fight. Just three months to pray. Just three months to prepare.

I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve seen my close friends watch their loved ones battle cancer for years. My friends had to watch their parents suffer through so much pain for so, so long. I’ve also lost people quickly and unexpectedly. There is no good time frame for losing someone whom you love. There is just the time that we’re given.

This year has been a little harder because I have Charlotte now. Sometimes I imagine my mom holding her, rocking her. I imagine them playing together and Charlotte smiling up into her grandma’s face. I know it’s silly to dream about the impossible, but it doesn’t stop me.

Seven years without my mom. It’s really hard to fathom.

I lean on my belief that she simply moved. Instead of standing next to me, she now lives in my heart. And since she is still in my heart, I can share her love with Charli. I know that my mom will be a part of Charlotte’s life even if she isn’t physically present.

Each year that passes I’ll feel the same – Wow, 8 years, 9 years, 10 years without her. No matter how many years I go by, I’ll still have 18 years before she passed. Those were some good years.

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