I Exercise Because I Love My Daughter

I hate exercise.

I hate the sweat rolling off my nose and into my mouth while I attempt a walking plank.

I hate the tightness and soreness in my muscles.

I love seeing the number decreasing (instead of increasing) on the scale.

I love seeing and feeling the changes in my body.

Most importantly, I love my daughter, and I hate the thought of missing any part of her life.

If you’ve read my blog, you know that I attribute a lot of my goals for mommyhood to things I learned from my mom. One of the greatest lessons was taught the hardest way. My mom is my motivation for losing weight and being fit because she was too busy selflessly caring for her three kids to take care of herself. I believe that played a large role in the cancer that took her life.

I love my mom more than words can describe. I miss her very deeply. And it is because of that love and that aching that I want to do more than she was able to do in terms of health. I want to instill the importance of physical health, as well as spiritual, emotional and mental health. The only way for me to do that is by first instilling it in myself. That is no easy feat, my friends!

I enjoy playing volleyball and basketball, and I used to love running sprints. I do not enjoy 50 minute workout videos that leave me trembling and sweaty, curled up in a ball on the basement floor. Not that I have ever done that. …

I exercise because I love my daughter. I want to be at her college graduation. I want to show her friends embarrassing photos from her youth. I want to take her for drinks when she gets her first big job. I want to help her plan her wedding and watch as she walks down the aisle. I want to hold her babies in my arms and teach them all the things my mom wasn’t here to teach Charlotte. I want all of these moments and all the little, forgettable moments in-between. I want those things because I didn’t get to experience them with my mom.

I hate exercise, but I do it for me and for my daughter.

I hate sweating, but I will count every drop as an extra hour with her.

I hate feeling sore, but it is a mere pinch in comparison to the pain she will feel when I am gone.

This is what I remind myself on nights like this, when I want nothing more than to crawl into bed and forgo the workout. What’s 50 minutes of my time after Charlotte’s asleep?

Oh, just a couple more hours of life later on.

I love the sound of that.

Toddler Squats

I started working out a few weeks ago. … Again.

Typically, I’ll work out for for several weeks followed by falling off the band wagon for several months. This is my exercise cycle.

In an attempt to break this cycle, I’m working on my form. I honestly doubt I’m doing these exercises correctly. So, I was watching a video on how to squat correctly. HOS was acting out the instructions from the video. Charli decided that looked like a good time and started squatting, too.

Her form isn’t bad! She squats a little too low, but that could be my envy speaking. This kiddo is built for exercise!

Here’s a quick view of HOS and Charlotte doing squats!

Health Enhancements

Almost three months ago, I wrote a blog post called We Are Bullshit. The post was really a rant about how women blame society for skewed views of what body type is healthy and attractive and those that aren’t. That we, as women, play the victim when it comes to body image. In the post I said that I was proud of my body, and I was going to write a post to stand by my body.

To be completely honest, I never wrote my follow up post because I gained 10 lbs after that post. I found myself in a very unhappy place regarding my body image, and it was starting to cause problems in my relationship. Despite feeling unhappy, I tried to ignore my feelings. I lied to myself, trying (and failing) to convince myself that I was 100% proud of my body. It was until April 20 that I experienced my breaking point.

Something as small and ridiculous as putting on a new shirt completely shifted my lifestyle, and the lifestyle of my family. I put that t-shirt on, looked at myself in the mirror and felt disgusting. I was disappointed that I let myself become unhealthy and unfit. And I felt so unattractive, which made me behave like an unattractive person. If that makes sense.

That was a Saturday morning. That night I stepped on a scale and was appalled. By Sunday, I started a healthy evening meal plan for HOS, Charli and myself. I started exercising on Tuesday. It didn’t take long for my muscles to remember what activity felt like. I felt good about my diet* and exercise, something I haven’t felt since the first trimester of my pregnancy.

*Just for clarification, when I say diet, I mean eating habits. I don’t believe in crash dieting. I want to make a lasting, healthy life choices for me and my family

One week after I felt so disgusting, I put that same shirt on. I’m no miracle worker, so I wasn’t without some extra love (softness in my tummy), but I felt good.

HOS and I chose to reshape our lives into something healthier. It’s something we can feel good about, and be proud of as parents. It’s only been two weeks, and we will have many obstacles to overcome as we move forward. We will also have moments of weakness – like my current obsession with cookies – but we are on track again.

I started this health enhancement wanting to lose 30 lbs, which scared my half to death. I weighed myself every day for the first week, but it only made me feel disappointed and frustrated. After week one, I only lost .5 lbs … Maybe 1 lb. … but I didn’t care! I felt great. I was happier with myself. I felt more comfortable on my clothes.

I have a new “weight” goal – feel comfortable in my own clothes and my own skin. Oh, and throw away the scale. That bitch just brings you down.

I’d love to hear about your adventures to be the happiest, healthiest version of yourself. What do you do to boost your self-esteem?

(I’ve been posting blogs from my phone, so I apologize for any and all errors. Obviously, they were all the fault of my phone and not my lazy forms of editing.)