As I type this, HOS and I are driving farther and farther away from Charlotte. And tomorrow morning, we will get on a plane that will take us thousands of miles away. Each mile puts a little more pressure on my heart, and a little more worry in my mind.

I am blessed to work for an awesome company. We give thousands of dollars to the community, and the job has greatly improved our financial situation. Another great perk? My employers are taking everyone in the company (plus their respective significant others) to Cancun.

Awesome! Right?

I feel like I’m supposed to say yes. And when everyone in the office has been tanning, shopping and talking excitedly about the trip, I keep my head down…

Don’t get me wrong! I’m very appreciative. HOS and I have never taken a trip together. It will be great for us. I, however, am lacking the enthusiasm and excitement that is abundant at the office.

Honestly? The idea of both HOS and me being in a completely different country from our baby terrifies me. I experience a lot of anxiety, and my mind works through the worst possible scenarios.

Not to mention, we gave Charli hugs and kisses and laid her down for a nap at my aunt’s house. We left shortly after, so my precious baby woke up and we were no where to be found.

I feel like a terrible parent who abandoned her child.

Charlotte will hardly notice our absence during the next four days as she is spoiled by her great aunt and doted on by cousins. She will be at the house when we get home, happy and healthy.

I will fake it until I make it in Cancun, praying that the excitement will catch. I know I’ll enjoy three full days free from cooking and cleaning!

But tonight? Tonight, my heart will suffer a slight fracture from all these miles separating me Charli.