I want to forgive and forget the way Charlotte does. I want to be able to literally forget something awful within seconds of it happening. I want to forgive myself as freely as my wonderful baby.
Tonight was one of those frazzled nights when you call (or text) a friend to tell her how you are failing as a mother. I typically choose my friends without kids.. They know me best, and they aren’t going to spend long amounts of time explaining what worked and didn’t work for their children.
No offense, fellow parents! I love you, and I value your opinion. We parents have a tendency, however, to provide our opinions even when we aren’t asked. I do it every day!
So why did I feel like a complete and utter failure? Why did I instantly wish I could go back in time? Why?
I made my child cry.
And not the whining, pouty tears. These were legit, mouth wide open and eyes shut tight tears.
Basically, I suck.
Charli’s love-hate affair with dinner time has become a stressful ordeal in our household. Not to mention, it takes 30+ minutes for her to complete a meal. During the “hate” phases, she likes to throw the food on the floor. She will dangle handfuls over the edge of her tray and look me straight in the eye as if she is daring me, begging me to say something. Her cubby little fingers open up to release the food while I’m in mid-sentence…
Charlotte decided to not eat a single bite of dinner tonight. She thought it best to toss the food onto the floor.
I asked nicely.
I asked sternly.
I told her we could sit there all night.
I lightly tapped her hand and said no.
She taunted me.
She hit at me.
She squeezed the life out of the good and threw it down on the plate.
She continued to drop the food onto the floor while staring me in the eyes defiantly.
When she grabbed a large piece and threw it onto the floor, I bopped her little hand. The top of her hand was slightly pink, and her beautiful face scrunched into and awful wail as I apologized over and over. I quickly removed her from the high chair to kiss her cheeks and beg forgiveness.
It took less than a minute for Charli to forgive and forget my too severe punishment.
I forgive myself… A little. I have a lot of work to do to improve my patience. But forgetting is another story.