I’m currently in the midst of making some decisions that will drastically alter my life. I have ignored, hid from, dodged and ran away from this problem for too long, and now the change will be painful.
Who am I kidding? My current situation is painful!
I am in love with double bacon cheeseburgers, greasy chips, gas station burritos (and meat loaf), chicken wings and most other similar foods of this wholesome nature. Sadly, the feeling is not mutual.
I’m tired of this one-sided relationship and all the belly-aching that comes from it – literally and figuratively. It’s time to stand up for myself. Enough is enough!
I’m breaking up with you, wings!
And you, too, double bacon cheeseburger! (But I’m keeping your number… You know, just in case.)
It’s not you, it’s me.
Ok, it’s you, but only because I can’t take your abuse any longer.
This is one of the most difficult break-ups of my life. These amazing, tantalizing foods are every where. People will consume them in my presence, mocking my “healthy” life choices.
I’ll reach a low point when I will probably cut chicken breasts into wing shapes, marinade them in a sweet chili sauce and bake them, pretending they are real wings. Lies and disappointment.
I’m going to be emotional for a while, but like the thousands of break-up memes on Google say:
I need to pour myself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull myself together because I’ll never find the right [food] if I don’t let go of the wrong [food].
I was happy before chicken wings, and I’ll be happy after them!
Each night I lay my head down on the pillow, I will tell myself I’m stronger because I’ve gone one more day with you wings.
Just know this chicken wings, my decision was not settled upon easily. For now, I really need you to respect my wishes and give me some space.
I miss you already.